The Years Barely Left a Trace

by INDUSTRIAL PRIEST OVERCOATS

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about

Recorded in my basement & the Bud Osborn Creation Space

Tape // mini comic coming eventually

credits

released June 30, 2019

license

all rights reserved

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about

INDUSTRIAL PRIEST OVERCOATS Vancouver, British Columbia

IPO is a recording project by Splatsin Nation member TJM

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Track Name: Spawn of John (Built Wrong)
i see thru tears
my formative years
its different here
w/o smoke&mirrors
i felt so small
you punched the wall
do i exist at all?
or am i a hallucination from your drug withdrawl?

it hasnt passed w/time
the pain, the grief, the trauma..
is it yours or mine?

troubled kid guess he was born that way
whipped him into shape, beat him everyday
sent him to that school where they teach spirits to break
took him away
from friends & family
then he went astray
& then came me

go pitch a tent out on the dead lawn
stepmom had a fit, cursed the spawn of john
she's laughing at my dreams w/the tv on
im starving,
im stranded,
wont somebody tell me that something is wrong..

over & over
its all in my mind
i dont know whats going on
i just know ive been built wrong

over & over
its under my skin
dont know whats going on
i am the spawn of john

im looking back
on all ive lost
came out in tact?
but at what cost?
last in a line
of abusive men
the choice is mine?
will it happen again?

it hasnt passed w/time
the pain, the grief, the trauma
is it yours or mine?
Track Name: Cigar Store NDN / I'll Reconnect
you can confide in me
but dont expect a response
such hate resides in me
what the fuck do you want?

im noble
im savage
(cigar store NDN)
youre hopeful
im damaged
(cigar store NDN)

i just stare like a painting
w/a single tear in my eye
im a fetish, not a friend
its certainly your land, not mine

here comes death on a painted horse
..a warrior of course

im noble
im savage
(cigar store NDN)
youre hopeful
im damaged
(cigar store NDN)

walk w/me thru the debris
skyscraper graves tombstone city
tried to bury us in history
tried to separate us from the ceremonies

BUT I'LL RECONNECT W/MY FAMILY
& I'LL RECONNECT W/THE LAND
Track Name: The Inevitable Rift
youre in my thoughts but im outta my head
closest thing ive ever had to a friend
its good to see you getting ahead
but i guess i was just a means to an end

i want you to be fine
closest thing ive had to family
i dont mind that im left behind
just dont look back on this catastrophe

i totally understand if you dont reach out when your back in town

outta control & im outta touch
how can i come to my senses?
a sincere gesture is much to much
i'm powerless against my own defenses

i tear myself all the way down & inside out
im scared that no one ever cared
& i'll be so easily forgotten about
Track Name: Colonial State of Mind
some can no longer fight the dust
so im gonna bite it
they always knew that id burn out
but here i go igniting
i only have one right
in this colonial state
to give in & give up the fight
surrender myself to my fate

to die by my own hand
once felt like the only power that i had
someday ill go back to my homeland
where they buried my mom & dad

l weep for all the stolen chances
& all the misdirected hate
the internalized oppression
of living in a colonial state

(god bless those who havepity
on poor natives in the city
& who have the decency to look away
when we come out into the light of day..)
Track Name: Moody Stables
jumping from a dumpster running w/the rats
(& my mood feels stabilized)
squealing when im feeling & ready for combat
(&my mood feels stabilized)
riding on a manic high
& thriving in my habitat

it feels like reason

i know i make it hard for you to care
(& my mood feels stabilized)
i undersell & overshare
(& my mood feels stabilized)
but ive been going thru hell
& waking up feels like waging warfare

hi howve you been?
i swear that ill start listening
hit as a kid, afraidd ill say or do the wrong thing
but hey, i'll admit, i might not be as bad as i think
i'm well on my way to forgiveness
Track Name: Confliction
IF IT'S NOT SUFFERING I CANT RELATE
CALL ME BROTHER & ILL HESITATE
I NEED TO KNOW IM WANTED HERE
(IF I CANT COPE) & I CANT DISAPPEAR
SO MUCH ABUSE
& I JUST HAD TO TAKE IT
IM HAUNTED THINKING THAT MOST WONT MAKE IT HOME
I WANNA SHARE MY THOUGHTS
SO I DONT GO INSANE
& SO I DONT HAVE TO FACE THE KILLER BRAIN ALONE

RAISED ON RESIGNATION
BUT BORN TO PERSEVERE
REMAIN IN ISOLATION
I FEEL MY ANCESTORS HERE

(i could handle this life..
if the world was the size of that closet
that they kept me safe in
a womb to hold a homesick abortion)

startle my eyes w/light
& i crawl back into the dark
dont leave me here tonight
this place is to close to my heart

i can handle this pain cause it aint so bad
if only it was all i ever had
Track Name: Cowering
is it too late to take care of those that have passed?
cold dead stare i push back the creeping grass
my skull feels like a haunted hot tub
full of old friends & pumped w/bad blood
world beat up my hands
hold them up to my face & have a laugh
i gotta disassociate
so i can sleep at night
i got big dreams to break
& putrid loose ends to bite
sweet drunken vomit
let it sit & melt on my tongue
ill cower until i feel alright

the pain will last forever
there is no reprieve
every moment theres deception
just leave me alone so i can grieve

i took for granted our time together
now you hold me & youll never leave
bleed out when ours bonds are severed
just leave me alone so i can grieve
Track Name: Stuck in Time
dont come close
im stuck in time
hate me most
stop crying
please come home
im stuck inside
took a fatal dose
watch me die

they intervene but it just gets worse
(i need to learn to love me first)
trauma, trauma feeling like a curse
(& i no longer want to feel seen or heard)
coming at me fast & i collapse
remind me of the past & ill relapse
feel im fucked forever & i cant adapt
try to comfort me & ill feel trapped

i make it hard to love me
thats how i survived (the loss of) my family

tried to numb out now im paralyzed
ive become the void
she stares across time at me
asking to come home
i just need to breathe & believe the myth
its not me holding back
whos this beast youre fighting with?
always ready to attack
Track Name: Wretched Snakkke
i dont care about strangers i feel quite strange
its those closest to me that make me afraid

desperation screws my face up
i hesitate for a state of wonder
who knows where this wretched snake will take us
all i wanted was a mother to hide under

heres the sum of all ive ever felt
it doesnt feel accumulated
it feels wasted
this is where im from
indians scattered on a bible belt
it doesnt feel accumulated
it feels erased from time
& i feel devastated

ive waited to go back
ive waited for their call
but it hurt more the closer i got
until it felt like drug withdrawl

i just need to push thru it
ive done it before
until im at my families door
Track Name: Parting Gift
i wont be here much longer
so come & make your peace
i must admit ive grown stronger
i put me down w/ease

i make myself worthless
dead weight for you to lift
i'm giving you a way out
& thats my parting gift

you decide this time
it hurts to think that im a bother
little kid hogging up all the space
you remind me of my mother & father
cant even look me in the face

sifting thru the past
lifted me up - & im falling fast
decades of shame, guilt, & doubt
i lock you in, i numb you out

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